COLUMN 27: Disconnecting

JUNE 03, 2015 IN GENERAL, TIMES LEADER

This column appeared in the Times Leader on Sunday, May 24, 2015

From the Latin words “dis” (apart) + “com” (together) + “nectere” (to tie,) the concept of “disconnect” has apparently become a bad thing. I wonder why.

That’s not to say that there aren’t negative forms of disconnection—sudden or prolonged withdrawal from friends and family or a winter power outage during an ice storm for instance. But I’m far more overwhelmed by too much connection than by pulling the plug or temporarily loosening the ties. For other people, it seems there is no such thing as down time.

I’m connected to my computer, phone and television, as are most people these days and as guilty of fidgety glances looking for notifications. My smart phone dings when new emails arrive in four different accounts. It tells me if I’ve missed a call and which contact in my list of several hundred was trying to reach me.  A little camera icon appears when someone likes one of my Instagram photos, and a talking bubble icon shows up if one of my friends sends me an instant message or text. I have websites and blogs to be updated, and don’t get me started on keeping up with my friends’ activities on Facebook.

Yes, there’s something kind of cool about someone in Australia following your posts or getting “likes” from the UK and Malaysia and keeping in touch with friends throughout the world, but there is also something a little creepy about people from your past that you’d rather forget or people that you don’t know at all repeatedly sending requests to be in your network on LinkedIn.

Companies that develop the apps constantly badger me to update their products, some of which require an increasing list of “permissions” to access my phone’s history, camera, contacts, location, etc. I usually opt for “No. I’ll keep the old version, thank you.” What is disconcerting, though, is that I just scanned through some of the out-dated apps, and they now “require no new permissions.” This means that (probably) Google has taken care of that and upgraded me with some sort of system update that handed over all of my information to Amazon, Facebook, Google Play, Motorola and YouTube whether I want them to have it or not. Very disturbing to have them connecting to my life without my knowledge or my approval. It is, after all, my phone service for which I pay an exorbitant amount of money every month.

For many years, going back to the Dark Ages when I had a land line at home, I have shut the phone ringer off on Sundays. Now it’s usually because I’m writing (working) on Sunday afternoons, but then it was to disconnect and spend time reading, watching old movies and hanging out with my dog to recharge.  I do it when I need to spend a few hours of quiet time away from the world at large. Voice mail is a wonderful thing.

I disconnect when I’m working, too--no TV, no radio or Pandora. For the most part, the only sounds are usually the breeze in the trees and Zsa Zsa snoring while I write. Maybe it’s my little pea brain, but I have to concentrate without distractions. I zone in on my research and computer screen. I sound out the words in my head as I type. I read what I’ve written out loud. I can’t hear myself while Dr. Phil interrogates his guests or Ellen dances or contestants price appliances.  But that’s just the way I roll.

A commercial for a morning show says, “You don’t want to be the one who doesn’t know.” Frankly, I don’t care about “knowing” everything. I glance through the headlines later, and if something interests me I read or watch the story. What I REALLY “don’t want” is to be bombarded with bad news and commercials first thing in the morning.  I’ve mentioned this before.

I recently forgot my phone when I went to Pittsburgh with a school field trip. A little anxiety set in at first because I was waiting for an email. How would I return calls? I’d planned to do my Instagram post from the museum—what now? My friend offered her phone to check emails and snap photos, and I stopped myself. What was the big deal? I had my regular camera for taking photos, and I would still have time once back at home to return the necessary messages. No need to panic. Breathe, reset, relax and simply enjoy the opportunity to see the art and artifacts.

How have we become so nervous about stepping out of the loop? What is that need to check the phone for flashing icons or the number of “likes?” When did the human web become so tightly woven that there is no privacy and so much extraneous thread? We’ve become afraid to be quiet and alone and untied even just for a little while. Is it because “the truth is out there,” and we want to be the first to post it? Or is it because we know the truth lies within us, and we are uncomfortable with what we’ll find?