Another Year Over

As during the past year, I am finding it hard to put my thoughts in black and white today.

I’ve written 100 or more blog paragraphs in my head over these months and weeks, but my sentences and consciousness begin rambling down paths and tangents, so that nothing makes sense--just as in the rest of my life and the world in general in 2017.

This was a year of discouragement, distraction, and disillusionment. I found myself withdrawing from writing, creative pursuits, and social life, trying to feel that feeling that tells me I’m on track, but there was so much clutter and “stuff” all around. There was no energy at the end of the day.

My strategy has been to try to counter all of the negative energy—especially in social media—with positive energy: posting and sharing good news only, resuming a meditation practice, taking a course on angels and another on healing, avoiding as much political discussion as possible. And I think this has helped clear some of the fog. But it’s obvious that there is more adversity out there than ever, and I’ve recently become one of the targets in someone’s bizarre hate campaign. Fortunately, my work, reputation, and ethics speak for themselves, but there are many people who don’t know me who are swayed and brainwashed by ridiculous attacks. It’s hurtful and another needless distraction and waste of time and energy.  

There is something within us that always seeks some “promise of hope” for New Year’s Day and the 12 months ahead. I’ve been looking back to determine what has made me happy in the past, times when I’ve felt that I was in the zone and on the Path because I’ve seen precious little of it during the past three years. That will be a guide as I move forward. I’ve already begun cleaning closets and other “out with the old” tasks to simplify my space and life--again. I wish I could be somewhere and feel settled, but I always have the feeling that I’m a fish out of water, and everything around me is temporary.

Maybe 2018 is the year I’ll find home.